My Beloved Maia

January 31, 2010

I lost my baby girl two days ago. We had to put her to sleep because the vet thinks there's a tumor that's pushing out her stomach and affecting her spine. The night before, she all but lost the use of her hind legs and getting her to relieve herself on our front lawn was a herculean task for both her and my husband.

Seven months before, we brought two strays into our home that she never really got along with and I can't stop thinking that maybe this is why she gave up. All she wanted was to be appreciated and to make us happy, but since Jack and Nala came, we've been spending less time with her and lavishing less attention to her. And still to the very end, all she wanted to do was make us happy.

I lost my baby girl two days ago and I can't help thinking, it was I who killed her. Not some disease that they think was in her. Not arthritis because of her age but because of neglect and lack of attention. And still to the very end, all she wanted to do was make me happy.

The last hour was the hardest. After some prodding and poking and some serious discussion, my husband and I made the hardest decision we've had to make yet in our life together. She looked up, as if knowing the outcome, smiled her perfect smile, and sighed. I like to think of the gesture as a thank you. Thank you for ending my suffering Mom and Dad. Thank you for ending my pain. And I'm sorry I couldn't make you happy with me anymore.

I lost my beloved Maia-girl two days ago and I just wanted to let her know that there was never a time she didn't make me happy. In the 10 years we were together, she was always a source of amusement, pleasure and joy. Even as she ate my shoe or stole food from the table, there never was once a time that she didn't make me happy.

I miss you so much my baby girl. I miss your beautiful smile, and the way your entire butt shakes when you greet me as I come home from a hard day. I miss the sound your tail makes as you thump it against the floor when you're happy. I miss the way you demand for a belly rub and the way you stuck to me like velcro. I miss the way you're in my way I when I wake up in the morning or I miss how you kick my slippers under the bed. But most of all I miss your presence, your essence and your spirit.

You taught me many things my beloved little girl. First and foremost, you taught me the true meaning of selflessness. Even at your very worst, you just wanted to give and give and give. You taught me about adoration and worship. You showed me exactly how I should adore and worship our Almighty God – unconditional, irrevocable and pure. And you showed me what it was like to love and to trust. Without fear, without malice and without judgment.

I love you so much my baby girl and I can only hope and pray that you forgive me my neglect and that one day, when my time has come, God will see it fit to have you sit by the foot of His throne and together, welcome me to His Kingdom.

The "American Idol" Presidency of Barack Hussein Obama

American Idol just started its 8th season a few weeks ago. I haven't been watching as diligently as I used to because after the "Battle of the Davids" last season, American Idol just isn't the same anymore. There is also this rather large grudge that I hold against the whole process that has embodied the show. American Idol has so deeply permeated our culture and embedded that all too familiar "popular" mentality into our collective consciousness that, as a nation, we've succumbed to electing a president with no more meaning and substance than that of a day old, chewed-up bubble gum.

Let me throw out a few question to y'all.

Question #1: How many out there voted for B.O. because of what he stands for?

In case you've forgotten in this era of sound bytes and "spin", B.O. stands to the left of oh, I don't know, Ted Kennedy? He's never met an abortion he didn't like; he's into all that gay rights things like they didn't have any and they're forced to sit in the back of the bus and drink from public fountains labeled "queer", or worst, "fags"; he's all about shutting down Gitmo and though he has yet to announce what he intends to do with all the detainees there, he's bent on undermining the safety of this country from all of them who wants us dead; and the mother of all campaign promises - redistribution of wealth! Who does he think he is anyway Robin of Locksley? I'm sorry, my hard earned money, which I rightfully, legally AND morally earn is mine to do with as I please. I don't need him to dictate how I can spend it. Why am I being punished for being an upstanding, responsible and productive citizen? Besides, I'm not sure that whole "men in tights" look is his style, know what I mean?

Question #2: How many voted for B.O. because y'all hated George W. Bush?

Honestly, I voted for Dubya. Twice! But the man let me down during the last few years of his tenure. Do you actually think the reason his approval rating looked like a professional golfer's handicap was because of all the Democrats who hated him? It's because of all of us Conservatives whom he just threw to the wolves. When we're not happy, we're not afraid to say or show it, be it our own. More than I can say for the other party. The one with the Jack er I mean Donkey.

Question #3: How many voted for B.O. so they can say they were a part of history and put a Half-Black Man in the White House?

I guess half steps are better than none right? I understand, yet respectfully disagree, with all that being a part of history baloney. For all of you who voted for him based on this reason, what a shame. If y'all want to be a part of history, do it for the right reasons, not because the guy's half-white. That just shows the esteem you hold race relations in which is not very high.

Question #4: How many voted for him because every NEWS personality or pundit within a hair's breath of a microphone, or a dead-tree op/ed writer, lauded his achievements, capabilities, intelligence or personality?

If you voted for him for this reason, you got sold a bill of goods and may I say this in earnest "Caveat Emptor". Let's face it, B.O. aka "Hope-y and Change-y" is a carefully crafted image whose experience is founded on community activism and whose charisma is based on a Teleprompter's scroll. His greatest ability to date is to raise money. Even after his election, he's still dipping into the pockets of those who put him in office and added to his list of potential donors by cutting a deal with rival Hillary Clinton in exchange for her husband's top secret list of enablers. An entire nation got fed a bunch of hooey, thanks to the likes of Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann, as to how he can save us from ourselves, and that he is "The One" who can give us "Hope" and real "Change".

Face it, B.O. aka "Hope-y and Change-y" is neither. On the day of his coronatio... err inauguration, the Stock Market dropped a couple hundred points indicating the kind of confidence, or lack thereof, of those who understand Business and Free Market Economics have in his administration. One of his first acts as president was to repeal abortion and partial abortion bans in place to protect unborn children. PS: All you Christians out there who voted for him, how does that make you feel knowing you've got blood on your hands? Or does it even matter cause abortion isn't written in the red ink you guys (and gals) are so fond of.

The fact of the matter is, Barack Hussein Obama was elected to the highest office in the nation not because of his ideology or his capability but because he looked good on television and for the last two years, his "people" cultivated that carefully crafted image of "peace", "hope" and "love", stuck a label on it and sold it to the public, much like Simon Cowell's opinion could make or break a contestants career or they're chances of moving on to next week's round on American Idol.

Memo To The Republican Party

November 5, 2009. First George W. Bush destroys the GOP, then Obama is elected President and the Republicans lost seats in the Senate and the House and now CA Governor Schwarzenegger is calling to "re brand" the Republican Party. What next?

Memo to the Republican Party: How about going back to basics?

Traditionally, the Party stood for pro-life, fiscal responsibility and low taxes, among other things and it seems like the party leaders are hellbent on getting away from these core values to attract a new breed of voters. There are many of us out there, conservative in nature, who are so very disillusioned or who feel like we've been downright cast adrift because of the party's quest for new blood.

Here's a thought, if it's not broken, don't fix it. Let the party's core values speak for itself. Anything else and what we're left with is but a shadow of what is now a very successful Democrat Party.

So where do we start? How about rebuilding the party foundation and basing it on its roots? How about raising a new breed of go-getting, conservative, and principled leaders, men and women of character and integrity and not Republicans In Name Only. How about listening, for once, to the people. After all, this is still a country where democracy is the order of the day. Remember: it's a government of the people, for the people and by the people.

With all due respect to the Giulianis, and the Schwarzeneggers and all the other "country-club" members of the party, let's go back to the basics and rebuild the party based on the voices of people like Joe-the-plumber - ordinary, everyday citizens who carry this great country on the backs of their hard work and inherent patriotism.

It May Be Time For A Demotion

There's an exchange in the film "The Devil Wears Prada" where Anne Hathaway's character is employed in this ridiculously demanding job at a high-end fashion magazine office where most, if not all, of the employees are required to dress the part of a high-end fashion magazine employee. No casual Friday's here folks unless casual means a pair of thigh high Chanel boots or a Prada ballcap or Jimmy Choo sneakers if there was such an item. Anyway, I digress... The exchange was between the Andy, played by Hathaway, an up and coming fashion magazine assistant and Nigel, played by Stanley Tucci, a dedicated and jaded Associate Editor who seems to grasp the subtleties and significance of a high-end fashion magazine in the life of whoever reads that kind of stuff.

At a photo shoot in Central Park, Andy approaches Nigel and casually comments on how her personal life is hanging by a thread because of the demands of this job that she really doesn't care for. Nigel's reply was somewhere along the lines of: "Let me know when your personal life is in the tank. It may be time for a promotion." So at 4:00 am on the morning of my departure for my high school reunion, I find myself unable to sleep not because of the excitement of my upcoming trip, but because of the job... err, I mean office work that I'm going to leave behind.

Time and time again, I've alluded to how demanding my chosen field is. I work in the real estate and mortgage industry and the hours are long, the clients difficult, the bosses slash sales reps egomaniacal and most everyone is involved in the unashamed pursuit of making money. In it's heyday, starting in 1999, the industry has sort of fueled the nation's economy. Property values skyrocketed and people took advantage of their accumulated equities to spend, spend, spend on anything and everything they can get their hands on. It stimulated the economy, increased production and strengthened all things economic in our nation.

As property values leveled, creative individuals found ways of maximizing equity even to the undeserved (bad debtors) and the unqualified (low-income). And after engaging in long complicated processes of cheating, dare I say defrauding, lenders the industry is now taking a nose dive. Home Foreclosures are up, lay-offs by the thousands are a monthly occurence, brokers are going out of business daily, agents are taking jobs at Target or Walmart, people are skipping on mortgage payments and sadly, many have just completely walked out on their mortgages. And were not talking about just the middle class, there are those highly publicized individuals who've abandoned their million dollar homes too. Oh and did I mention that indictments are a-flying because of how "creative" some people have become?

Here's my point, everyone is feeling the pinch. Six figure salaries have now been reduced to four. Mercedes Benz and BMW's have now been replaced with Prius and Toyotas, and everyone is on edge and out for themselves. It's more demanding than it used to be. Clients are meaner and greedier because there isn't much to go around anymore. There's more backstabbing among those who are still employed and more jockeying for whatever positions that are left that everyday is a day full of machinations and manipulations that one would think Machiavelli himself was orchestrating all of it in one fell swoop. This is Darwin's theory at its best. Gone is the love and joy for the work before us. It has now been reduced to the survival of the fittest or at this point, the survival of the most politically correct, backstabbing, suck-up money can buy.

And just like Andy's character, on top of all this, my personal life is hanging by a thread to boot. So at a little after 4:00 am, on the morning of my departure for a 2 week trip, I find myself up and about thinking that maybe it's time for that demotion. I certainly don't want to get to the point where my personal life is "in the tank." Though I admit to having fears of financial hardship when I take that plunge into something new and more sane. And then this thought, nay this reassurrance, as in all things I ought to trust in God to provide and deliver us from this hardship. After all, He is the Great Provider and, if nothing else, whatever He brings together, let no man put asunder.

"But I Want You To Demand Of Me"

I was coming out of difficult circumstances and although I had fallen head over heels in love with my husband, I wasn't going to jeopardize the friendship we had developed. After admitting how much I love him, and when I didn't get a reply, I hemmed and hawed thinking that I had just ended our friendship. So to cover up my snafu, I immediately uttered these words: "Don't mind what I just said. It's okay if you don't have feelings for me. I just don't want to loose our friendship." (yeah I know, but what can I say? I was young and ... well young back then) It was then that I first heard these words "But I want you to demand of me." My immediate reaction was "Huh?" and then that glimmer of hope, that maybe, he may just love me to. Well he did and we did, so there.

Keith has been and will always be the kindest, most loving, most generous, most understanding, and most patient man I know. He's not a saint. Most of the time I find myself protecting those who offends God and His Name from his righteous wrath . But a more gentle man you wouldn't find anywhere else.

And, for the record, he does not take priority in my life. That's God's place. But
God has used Keith, primarily, to lead me to Him and also to embody His love for me. Not only is Keith Christ-like in his forgiveness of my idiosyncrasies and shortcomings but God uses him on a daily basis to show me just how much God loves me. God's love, through Keith, wiped away every tear I've ever shed and healed all my aches and pains and made my heart whole again. In the simplest of ways, Keith is my gift from God.

And so, ten years later, it's my turn to give those words back to him. Babe, I want you to demand of me. I need you to know that next to my relationship with the Lord, you are the one thing that matters most. In the busyness that we find ourselves in, I forget that you are my primary ministry in this life so I need you to demand of me. I fell in love with you ten years ago and ten years later I love you still from the depths of my soul.

Thank you God for my gift.

Mission Field

Back in 2004 I received an email from a high school classmate in the Philippines who now lives in Virginia. The email was an invitation to a class reunion in Irvine, CA that summer. A group of about 10 ladies from SMC class of 1983, all over North America, was going to get together and reminisce about the good old days.

My initial reaction to the invitation was "Oh no!" and "Not in this lifetime!" I didn't have "good days" back in high school. I wasn't outgoing or popular or even well-liked. When the powers that be at Webster coined the term "wallflower", they had me in mind. They just couldn't find a picture of me to publish next to it to illustrate the description. When asked who among the characters of "The Breakfast Club" I related to, I reply, without hesitation, "Ally Sheedy". That was how deep, dark, desolate and joyless high school was for me.

So, upon receipt of this invitation, I ranted and raved like the madwoman that I am. I paced back in forth in my kitchen reciting this litany of excuses as to why I could not and will not attend this get-together. My beloved husband listened to my rantings and ravings, nodded his head and very calmly said: "Think of this as your mission fields." Those words literally stopped me and my pacing mid-stride. Once again, God used Keith and in His wisdom opened up this new world to me to reach out to and spread the Gospel. Needless to say, I went, spent the weekend with the ladies in Irvine and well, the rest is His story. (yes, I know -- so sue me!)

In the last four years, everyone in this group has been made aware of my relationship with God. Some know of my experiences overseas in places I can't write about. God blessed me with two sisters-in-Christ, both of which have become my accountability partners in my walk. God has also blessed me with another mentor and discipler and although we're worlds apart, considering Australia is on the other side of the planet, we have this common ground where we always meet and fellowship. And there are those, whom I've recently told, that are aware of the new ministry that God has put before Keith and I. God has put me in a position where my witness and my walk with Him has lifted up some, rebuked some, comforted some and gave hope to most. God used my willingness, albeit reluctant, to take that first step four years ago for good.

Four years later, I am now preparing, with excitement, joy and glee, to leave for the Philippines to attend my 25th year high school reunion-homecoming. For the next two weeks, I am going to be living in a world 25 years removed from my current lifestyle. This world, that I couldn't and wouldn't get involved in four years ago, has now become a part of my mission field just as much as those distant lands are. This world of 250 beautiful, talented and loving women is the soil that God has put before me to plant the seeds of His Gospel.

I have come to the understanding that as far as mission fields are concerned, whether it's in our backyards, the groups of people we move in or the ends of the earth, the most important factors involve our obedience to His word and our faithfulness to carry out the work He has put before us. It is our duty to plant the seeds and spread the Gospel, it is up to God to grow and choose His people.

Now go and find your field and start sowing.

What Will It Take?

Most of us know about the first 14 chapters of Exodus. We've seen, heard and read various translations most of which focuses on Moses, God's chosen deliverer of the Nation of Israel. We've been exposed to the story through various forms of media from the epic DeMille classic "The Ten Commandments" to the animated version "The Prince of Egypt" jokingly referred to in some Christian circles as "Moses lite".

In each incarnation, whether it be on the big screen, the small screen, live action, animation or in print, the story always unfolds from the point of view of the main characters, God, Pharaoh, Moses, and Aaron, and the Nation of Israel.

A bit of history: Approximately 400 years prior to the birth of Moses, 72 Israelites, essentially Jacob and his entire family, arrived in Egypt at the invitation of Pharaoh, to ride out the rest of the famine that affected the whole land. They were given the land of Goshen, the best parcel of land, just outside of Egypt. (Genesis 47:1-12).

The famine was so great that all the people came to Joseph for food and paid for it initially with the money they had, then with their land, and eventually, when all their worldly possessions were gone, they agreed to enslave themselves to Pharaoh for the price of corn. By the end of the famine Pharaoh, thanks to Joseph, owned every field, except that which belongs to the priests and, not to mention every Egyptian, and the first debt repayment program (a fifth of the harvest) was born. (Genesis 47: 24)

Fast-forward 400 years into the future. The 72 Israelites who settled in the Land of Goshen now numbered in the millions. The ruling Pharaoh was not of the same genealogical lineage as Joseph's Pharaoh and had no clue as to the history, or affiliation (read: God's chosen,) of the people who lived outside his palace walls. He was so deathly afraid of their growing numbers that he incited the rest of Egypt to enslave the Israelites for their "protection." When that didn't work to his satisfaction, because the Israelites were still growing in number, he ordered the destruction of all male Hebrew children and thus we are introduced to the story of Moses and how he came to be.

Fast forward again. Moses is now 40. He had run the gamut from being a Prince in the palace of Pharaoh, to being a criminal running from the law, to meeting God in the mountain of Horeb. His mission, deliver the Israelites from Egypt and bring them to the promised land. This mission leads to his confrontation with Pharaoh and the 10 plagues that God wreaked upon Egypt.

We're all pretty much familiar with the plagues and the warnings that came before hand. We're also told God will harden Pharaoh's heart so Moses and Aaron really had their work cut out for them. In the beginning, it was "Let My people go that they may celebrate a feast to Me in the wilderness." Pharaoh's reply wasn't just no but h-e- double hockey sticks NO! Plus the Israelites got punished for Moses and Aaron's insolence against a self-proclaimed deity. Moses and Aaron weren't winning popularity contests with their people either.

The next time Moses and Aaron show up at Pharaoh's palace steps Aaron's staff becomes a snake and slithers around Pharaoh's courtyard. Pharaoh summons his "wise men" and his "sorcerers" and they too, with their "secret arts", turn their staffs into snakes. Never mind the fact that Aaron's "snake" swallowed all of theirs. Turning water into blood was another miracle the sorcerers were able to duplicate with their "secret arts". So was the conjuring of frogs, though none of the Egyptian sorcerers can undo any of the magic they cast.

By the time the flies came, the magicians were flabbergasted. None of their "secret arts" can conjure up flies and gnats and they turn to Pharaoh, the only god they've ever known, and tell him "This is the finger of God." Pharaoh, by this point, starts his waffling. He tells Moses and Aaron to go sacrifice to their God in the land. In the meantime, all of Egypt is dealing with swarms of flies while the land of Goshen is untouched. Do you think Joe-Egyptian-six-pack who lived a couple of houses from the palace didn't notice that?

By the time the boils came, the magicians were nowhere to be found for not only could they not duplicate this plague, they also had it on them. Pharaoh's waffling intensifies. First it was okay, you can go, and as soon as the plague disappears, he changes his mind. This pattern of behavior goes on until the bitter end.

Before the next plague, hail, struck Egypt Moses and Aaron gave a warning to the Egyptians describing how the hail will strike dead all the beast and livestock that are left in the field without shelter. "The one among the servants of Pharaoh, WHO FEARED THE WORD OF THE LORD made his servants and his livestock flee in the houses ..." (Exodus 9: 20). Think about it, these are Pharaoh's servants, sworn to worship Pharaoh and they were fearing the word of another God they had no clue about.

When the locusts arrived and wreaked their distinct brand of devastation, groups of people came to Pharaoh, not to ask for deliverance like their ancestors did with Joseph, but to point the finger at him and tell him to "Let these people go ... don't you realize that Egypt is destroyed?" Enough already! That kind of confrontation is significant. Never in the history of man - at least not up to that point - has a group of people confronted their god specifically to plead for mercy and submission to another God to save them from the destruction that was occurring in their land.

By the time it was all over and the Angel of Death has taken every Egyptian first born not only did the Israelites find favor in the eyes of their neighboring Egyptians that they were freely given articles of clothing, gold and silver but at the exodus, "A mixed multitude also went up with them ..." (Exodus 12: 38)

That was staggering for me to realize. Here is a people group conditioned, for 400 years, to worship the god in residence at the "temple" at the top of the hill and not only were they turning their back at said god, but they mustered up the nerve and the courage to tell him, to his face, that he single-handedly and stubbornly caused the destruction of Egypt.

Here's the whole point of all of this: Taking the Egyptians (read: non-believer) point of view, at what point will you say yes there is an Almighty, All-Powerful, All-Knowing God who is in control of all things living? Will it be at the first sign of the plagues? Or will it be at the cost of the life of your first born? Will you be like Pharaoh, who even in defeat and despair, clung to his hardened heart and will not submit? What will it take for you to acknowledge the presence of the one true God in your life?

Of Body Art and Body Piercings

I heard a radio broadcast of Family Life Today, the radio ministry of Campus Crusade about a week or so ago. They were interviewing a Pastor who wrote a book about parenting and kids today. I wasn't listening that closely until something about their conversation caught my attention.

The guest speaker was relating an anecdote about his son who grew up in the faith and was faithfully and dutifully taught right and wrong by his dad. Like many of today's kids (and adults), the son got caught up in the world and strayed from his walk. One day at the tender age of 19, the son realized the error of his ways and recommitted himself to Christ. He then proceeded to get a tattoo of a crown of thorns as a reminder of his commitment. The body art was permanently etched on the skin of his upper arm, just a hair's breath above the hem of a normal short sleeve shirt. It was appropriately discreet from a distance but from what I heard of the description, up close, the tattoo can cause quite a conversation.

Anyway, when the kid came home, his father immediately noticed what he had done. It wasn't like he came home saying, hey look Dad - isn't this cool? He actually tried to hide the mark.

"What's that on your arm, SON?" His father asked.

The kid hemmed and hawed and launched into his prepared speech. "Well see, Dad, funny you should ask. I found myself straying from Christ so I renewed my commitment recently and as a reminder, I got myself this."

Again the father asked, "What's that on your arm, SON?"

"It's a crown of thorns Dad. I was actually going to ask you for scripture to go with it that I could add on at another time."

A few weeks later, after his initial shock, the father gave him Leviticus 19:28 to go with his tattoo.

Here's what I'm trying to get at. Yes, because of grace, laws like Leviticus 19:28 which in the NIV reads as "Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD." aren't quite the essentials of our faith. But putting that aside, fast forward 70 years when gravity has taken it's toll and age has settled in and took hold, that piece of body art wouldn't even come close to resembling a crown of thorns.

And it's just not body art that gives me pause. I've seen Christian men and women, young and old alike, with unusual or highly inventive body piercings. I myself have pierced ears, one in each ear to be exact. But then again, I'm a girl, and growing up that was the norm in the society I lived in. But of late, it seems like anything and everything goes. Ever heard of a "Prince Albert"? But that's neither here nor there.

And if it's not the location is the excessive amount of piercings. I've seen individuals with pierced eyebrows, lips, nose, multiple ear piercings and tongue. And that's just the face. I know what a piercing feels like and believe me I struggled when I got mine done. Suffice to say, I'm not into pain.

I entertained thoughts of getting a tattoo. If nothing else, I thought it would make me look cool and hip and well - worldly. Really, just how much damage can a discreet, well-placed double bow and arrow wreak? However, after much debate and prayer, I came to the conclusion that getting one wouldn't be in my best interest for many reasons:

(A) May I say again that I'm not into pain.

(B) After another 40 years and 30 pounds in either direction, that little cute double bow and
arrow won't be.

(C) In the event that God blesses us with a child, I would like to have the credibility to
support my negative response when my kid ask for one. I am of the mind that my kid will
never, ever, see the inside of a tattoo parlor in real life, while I have breath still in
my body.

(D) And last but definitely not least, why would I want to desecrate the temple of the Holy
Spirit?

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." (NIV)

In context, the verse addresses sexual immorality, but still the command is clear, honor God with your body. Many of us Christians frown upon indulging in bad habits that dishonors God like smoking and drinking alcohol. I've heard time and time again that we are to keep this temple sacred, therefore we are to practice sexual purity and dare not pollute our insides with nicotine and liquor. Yet why do we not take the outside of our particular temple seriously as well?

When was the last time you saw a church building peppered with graffiti and left untouched and uncleaned? There is immediate outrage when a building dedicated for worship, may it be a church, a synagogue or a mosque, is desecrated by graffiti.

In the same vein, when was the last time someone accidentally had a tattoo? Or better yet, when was the last time that gold stud found its way into someone's mouth and embed itself on their tongue? Why, then, can't we muster the same outrage towards body art, unusual body piercings, cutting, or any other depraved habit or custom that we humans, left to our devices, can and will develop? Especially since there is clearly malice aforethought.

Smart-mouthed, sharp-minded guys and girls may reply with something like, but this mark IS all about honoring God. That's why I have God on my body, to honor Him and show the world that I belong to Him. Hmmm, really? And what has God done in your life lately other than give you intimate knowledge of a tattoo needle?

To those out there who disagree and are quick to stamp me with the "L" word, know that I don't love you any less for going out and getting all this done. I'm not going to shy away from y'all or cross the street so I don't come into contact with you lest I be infected by your worldly ways. And don't get apoplectic, that there was a joke.

In all seriousness, what I'm saying is I disagree with the decision to go and get marked or pierced for whatever reason. In case you missed my point, my body is a dwelling place for the Holy Spirit, therefore it is my responsibility not to desecrate it. There are physical reasons as well.

I've said it twice and I'll say it once more, I am not into pain, though I've been told that popping Vicodan before the procedure does take the edge off. I'm not really looking forward to explaining the artwork when everything has sagged and faded. As for body piercings, I can't even begin to imagine the scene at the airport with a hand held metal detector.

If you're of the same mind as I am, thank you for imbibing the Kool-Aid. If not, let me know the whys and wherefores. I honestly would like to get some insight. After all, there are times I revisit the thought of that little double bow and arrow at the small of my back.

'Tis Only God

I just had one of the most unpleasant experiences I've had in a while a few hours ago. I was told, albeit in a roundabout way, that I was no longer welcome to participate in a group that for all intents and purposes, was the source of my encouragement through all my trials and tribulations. All this because I rekindled my association with a couple that has been banned from a church I no longer attend.

When the news was broken to my husband and I, the first words were something along the lines of "this has nothing to do with you both" and "we love you both but..." Verses were quoted, primarily, Matthew 18 and 1 Corinthians 5 - things to do with how to confront an errant and sinning brother or sister in Christ and how to deal with unrepentant sinners among the brotherhood/sisterhood. As the words kept coming, all I could think of was if we did nothing wrong and we are loved then why are we being told that we were no longer welcome? Eventually the answer came loud and clear - we were guilty by association.

This is my capsule summary of what I was told. Someone pointed out something to somebody else that caused some kind of reaction that I'm still trying to fathom. A meeting was called, behind our backs, and a decision was made to "unwelcome" us. I can go on and on about who said what and so on and so forth but as I sit here mulling over these events, I realize how moot a point that would be. We've been judged, and we've been found lacking.

Through all this I find myself asking the question of just how loving is "loving"? Where do you draw the line? I've heard and read over and over again that Christ dwelled with the sinners and the riff raff and the dastardly. I'm a sinner, and a riff raff and my ways are dastardly so why was I tossed out like a rag doll all the while being told that I'm "loved". And over and over again I'm reminded, 'Tis only God who is truly loving. 'Tis only God who is truly gracious. 'Tis only God who is truly forgiving. 'Tis only God that I can trust for true compassion, understanding and acceptance. Everyone else, though laden with good intentions, fall short.

All Things Considered

2007 has come to a close and 13 days into 2008 and I'm already on catch-up mode. Isn't that just sad.

I'm hopeful, though, that this year will nowhere be as stressful and hectic as last year. At 40-something, I'm ready to unwind, unfurl and just totally relax and enjoy life God's pace and not at some human mandated, dictated speed of which I am its absolute mercy.

And yet, despite the careening pace of last year there are many things I am so very totally grateful for and a few things I will probably regret for a little while longer. I'd love to end this piece on a high note so I'll start with the regrets.

My biggest regret concerns my beloved husband. In the last three or four months, Keith had to make do with was left over of me after 15 and 16 hours days in the office. There were some Saturdays that I put him to work in my office just so we could spend time together and not have our weekends without each other.

And though God's work comes first, I'll be the first to admit that one of the hardest things I have ever done this year was to leave him behind on our 9th wedding anniversary and his landmark birthday to go to Sri Lanka for a short term, pioneering mission trip. But as always, Keith's love for the Lord and his Christ-like love for me helped make things a little bearable. Keith understands that God's work comes first, above all else, and he considers it his obligation to make sure that, wherever and whenever God leads me, he is involved in getting me there.

My other regret concerns my parents. I had an opportunity early in the year to turn the tables and take care of them and provide a roof over their heads, but sadly, that lasted about 3 months and change. Right now, they are living with my younger brother who moved back to California from Boston - permanently. I guess my folks aren't ready to settle down and live the retiree's life, although I'm still a little bent about the 2nd floor apartment they rented in place of joining our household. You see, my Mom has trouble with stairs and their new apartment has 15! of them - and that's just to get to the front door.

Most of all, I miss my Mom. I miss talking with her, laughing with her, sharing the kitchen with her and just being around her. I miss the "girls time" - me, my Mom and my dog - just hanging out and spending time together. I miss my Dad too, and though it was hard living with him, I miss having him around. I honestly wish things were different and yes - that they were here with me.

Perhaps the most bitter regret I had last year was my slide back into my old ways. There was a period of a few months were I picked up the nasty habit of smoking, cussing, drinking and just totally lacking in self-control. Personal sanctification went by the wayside and my walk with God was in serious jeopardy.

I'm not mitigating any of my personal degradation, but my encounters with a few "church people", who publicly professed to love God and yet almost single-handedly drove the industry that I am employed in to the ground, left me a with a sour note about "christians". Time and time again, people from churches of all flavors have proven that none of us, without conscious thought and a constant struggle, can serve two masters. Y'all know the phrase, "the love of money..." so I leave it at that.

Thank God for Keith who, in deadly earnest, made the distinction that God's people are forever fallen in nature, until we get to heaven, but God is perfect in His ways and that I shouldn't be taking man's fallenness out on God. Like I said - "bitter slide back into my old ways". And though I'm still struggling as of the beginning of the year, I've quit smoking, I've concsiously made an effort to get back into God's word and I'm slowly, but surely, getting back into the habit of prayer for grace, repentance and restoration. Praise God for His mercy and grace!

There are other things that I can look back on and say yes that's a "could've been" or "should've been" or "would've been", but, you know, God's in control. So again, joy and praise to the Lord - otherwise things would really be mucked up and with the bad, God provides the good.

In contract to the last half of the year, the first half offered privileges and opportunities I wouldn't trade for anything else. Keith and I had an opportunity to minister to a young woman and though that has been on hiatus for a the last few months, the times we shared together made up some of the best times we had last year.

Keith and I celebrated 9 glorious years of wedded bliss and our small group has been going on, strong and steady and in complete obedience to God's will, for about 3 years and change. Our small group has grown into a family of interconnected lives and it has been an honor to share every aspect of my life with each and every one of them.

I am also grateful that, despite the differences I have with my parents, they are still both alive and I am able to touch, hug, express and even argue my thoughts and feelings with them.

And there are the things of God that made this year special, encouraging and so much more than ordinary.

God provided me with the means and the opportunity to go and minister in Sri Lanka this past year. It was a special time for me as for the first time in the last five outings, I went without my husband or my pastor and participated in the first of many trips to a country that we virtually knew nothing about spiritually. I learned that as long as God leads the way and as long as our hearts are open to Him, we, as His servants, can accomplish anything and everything in His Holy Name.

My youngest brother accepted Christ and became a believer last year and though he is not yet comfortable in leaving the rituals he is familiar with, praise God that my brother was chosen and is now faced with the daunting task of reaching our other brother - a hard core Agnostic, bordering on Atheism. But I believe in the power of prayer and God's power to reach and uphold them both.

Last year also provided a source of constant encouragement in God's love and faithfulness. A dear friend is in an extended season of his life that I cannot even begin to imagine entering. For reasons I can't discuss in detail, this gentleman has been taken away from all things familiar and has been deprived of the most basic of liberties and material comforts of daily living. And yet, despite his circumstances, he is more alive in the Lord than any of us living our busy, mundane lives. God, in all His wisdom, put him in a place where not only can he minister to those in need but also enrich himself with God's word and empower his faith through God's glory and grace. These days when my mind wanders to his predicament, images of the great apostle Paul dance in my head. This gentle man's joy and encouragement is a gift to us all.

And finally, here is, in my mind, the greatest event I was privileged to be a witness of in 2007. I had just returned from Sri Lanka and Thanksgiving was approaching when I hear the sad news of an old man's passing. The father of one of our close family friends passed away at the ripe old age of 98. The man has seen it all and experienced it all. Blessed with sons and daughters and innumerable grandchildren, this old man's passing, though still tragic, wasn't quite a shock to the system, after all, he had led a full life. And because of his age, his last days were lived in a haze. Old age naturally allowed for senility and the ravages of time take its toll on human frailty.

And yet, despite his full life, God had other plans for him. A few days before his death, God granted this old unbelieving man a few hours of lucidity and clarity of thought and this dying old man, with God's grace and guidance, used those few precious hours wisely and well. This man, who has seen it all, and most likely done it all, chucked everything he knew that was of this world and opened his heart to Jesus Christ. In those hours were he was able to think clearly, this man understood that nothing he had done can compare to the gift that God has given freely and accepted that gift with arms wide open and a contrite heart. In those few hours, he made a conscious decision to choose everlasting life.

His funeral was no more a celebration of his life here on earth and the eternal life granted him in heaven as as it was a plea for all his remaining family members who have yet to believe. At the funeral, I can almost here him say, come and join in the arms of our Saviour where we will all be together as a family for all time.

In having recapped the year, with all things considered, 2007 was a year of growth in faith, trust and love of the one true living God. I pray that 2008 will be an extension of that growth and will be a witness to my continuing obedience and trust in the Lord our God.